NEWS

Since I returned to Slovakia in September there are a few habits that I decide to adopt. You know, new start...

1. regular meals,
2. regular sleep (wake up early, sleep early, the best for me is 07.00 - 23,00),
3. regular exercise (especially morning walks),
4. regular praying and reading the Holy Writings,
5. learning to play on the guitar,
6. learning a new language (few options: german, arabic, hindi or improving french),
7. get involved in many baha'i activities,
8. start my very own English Club,
9. observing all the baha'i laws, minimum watching tv/movies

About the first four: It went very well the first month and a half, then it started to be too cold and dark for morning walks, I stopped eating regularly when I was ill for a few days, similar with sleeping. I searched for reasons and found that all started when I stopped praying enough. Every day less and less until it wasn't easy to begin anymore.

All the other goals followed the decline. I stopped practicing on the guitar and watched a lot of movies, wasting time. I stayed involved in the baha'i activities and the English club continued but I didn't really feel committed to it that much.

(I actually never got to learning the language because I don't have time.)

Luckily the laws are not hard to observe so that went well.

Now I'm back to the habits. Trying to build them again and better. But it made me think firstly why is it that when you gain that spiritual upliftment (usually from being abroad serving, or on pilgrimage or a baha'i course) it never stays long enough. In my case it usually ceases after one or two months. And secondly what is it that made me so happy and content in India?

(The following realizations are nothing new. Don't be disappointed.)

Why the spiritual upliftment never stays?
Most of the population cannot be occupied with spiritual activities all the time. We need to earn some money too. And the materialistic world can consume us if we don't keep watch over our spiritual nourishment. And usually we cease to be alert in the course of time and join the tide of waking up - eating - going to work/school - eating - watching tv - reading - sleeping - waking up...

What is it that made me so happy in India?
Strength produces strength and weakness produces weakness. Everyone has some goals, everyone dreams of being the best of himself, everyone wants to achieve success and approval. We are the only ones who can make our dreams come true. If we keep a picture of our ideal self but never get any closer to being it we are day by day failing ourselves, not keeping promises to ourselves and in the end we stop believing in the ideal us. On the other hand if we just keep one promise that we made to ourselves it will confer upon us so much strength that more kept promises will follow. (For example I often say I will wake up at 7am the next day but I seldom do. Then, when I do I feel happy all day.) Thus we become satisfied inwardly and it will also be expressed outwardly.

In India I was my ideal self. Although there was a lot to improve, to work on, I felt that I am doing great progress every single day, never hesitating, always marching onward.

It is not hard in reality, only our complicated minds make it look hard. If we just thought less and acted more the world would be a happier place. The beginning is easy, just think of a promise that you often make to yourself but never keep and now keep it.

medicine

What does a doctor need? (comment if you think of something more)

great perseverance
courage
scientific mind
patience
kindness (mainly for patients)
thirst after knowlegde
willingness to sacrifice his youth (meaning fun and parties)
true motivation

What do I have?
perseverance: in progress
courage: yes
scientific mind: yes (to a great extent influences personal relationships)
patience: minimum but progressing
kindness: minimum but working on it
thirst after knowlegde: enormous
willingness to sacrifice youth: making compromises
true motivation: yes

Motivation

The process dates back to when my granpa was discovered to have brain tumour. He went to hospital and six month later died. I wasn't able to be with him very often but the times spent by his bed are unforgettable. He held my hand, kept looking at the ceiling, half-smiling, and made me wonder what he is seeing there. I thought he is seeing heaven and feeling pain, that's how it looked. As though he was stuck somewhere in the middle.

One year later I started having dreams which made me think of going to study medicine. I thought about it every day for two weeks and then I gathered that I have some important prerequisites for being a doctor.

I made it to the university but haven't passed a single semester yet. My friend is calling me a surgeon already and I'm writing a list of all my relatives and friends who would like to be treated by me once they need it. Trying to get through anatomy and latin right now, studying almost every day, I am still not able to measure the blood pressure. Yet planning to do my postgraduate course abroad while I may not even pass the undergraduate.

I just love being busy.

Now I'll get back to the bones.

Au revoir!

Slovensky raj/Slovak Paradise

Me and Khan were supposed to leave on Thursday very early morning as to avoid the crowds on the train but Khan felt too tired to wake up so we travelled during the day. 5 hours on the train and then half an hour on the bus until we reached the bottom of Slovensky raj (read raay). So far so good. Since it was about five and we still had time and energy we went to have a look around, we walked up the gap Sucha Bela for about 40 mins and then back. We cooked some dinner and went to bed at 8pm as there was nothing else to do.

The next day I intended to wake up at six but somehow I couldn`t and we only got up 3 hours later to leave at about 11am. We went up the gap Prielom Hornadu until Lanova lavka and from there through a forest straight to Klastorisko where we had lunch. There we realized we still have enough time to go the longer way and went through another gap called Maly Kysel and from there back down to Podlesok to the tent.

I have to explain what these gaps really are. It`s a brook or a small river surronded by rock and forest. Sometimes you walk on a small track road either on stones or the roots of the trees and sometimes you go jumping from stone to stone across the water. If there is no way to cross then there are ladders built. Sometimes it`s a little scary as there is nothing to hold on to and under the ladder is just water and rocks. Nothing can describe the beauty, not even the pictures. I highly recommend anyone traveling to Slovakia to go and see on their own.

The second day we went the other direction. First we walked for about an hour to get to Sokol and from there we went through a gap Velky Sokol (Big Falcon) to reach the top of the hill and have lunch. After which we started going down. It sounds less demanding than the first day but Velky Sokol is actually quite long with lots of ladders.

The plan was to sleep in Podlesok three nights but on Saturday it got suddenly so cold that we were not able to sleep properly, it was only 10-12 degrees during the day and a very cold and strong wind was blowing all night and day. So we decided it would be better if we travel at night. We packed the tent and took a bus from Podlesok to Poprad at 7.30pm. The earliest train was at 23.47 and when we wanted to buy the tickets the lady said that train is special and small and we can only ask if they have free couchettes when the train arrives. So no guarantee that we would get on the train, the next one coming at 1.40. Bus would take very long and Khan wanted to sleep well that night so we went to a hotel. And I watched a movie on the tv after a very long time. I don`t know why but somehow I was in a very good mood. Just like that. Maybe from the sudden unexpected comfort.

I wish I could show you all this beautiful place. Whenever any of my friends comes to visit me to Slovakia I`m gonna drag them there. Beware!

Vienna

On Tuesday, 09th September, we (me and Khan) set out on a one-day trip to Vienna, beautiful capital city of Austria.

First we went to Belvedere, shown on the first two pictures.
















This is Parliament.






The big building with two towers might be a church, I don`t know, we were just passing.


The last many pictures are all from Schonbrun, my favorite place in Vienna. Schonbrun is a summer palace of the Habsburgs which is surrounded by a huge and very well kept park.

I must add that we have seen more places, like Hofburg, some museums, Stephansdom, Karls platz but the pictures are not good and some are rather boring. Most of the places are very close to each other so we were basically just walking all day, seeing some buildings as we went and still I am not sure if I am calling the sites by their real names.

It was a beautiful day, sunny and peaceful.

Austrian mountains

We went to Heukoppe in Austria today, 6th September.

I love going to the mountains, especially at this point it helps me to appreciate the beauty of Europe. I really need it to get used to this place after India. :)

Anyway, I can`t really say anything, the pictures say it all. Just one thing - we left at 4am and then slept at the parking area in a car as we left too early and felt too tired to start a trip like that. :))

diary kept in India

This are extracts from the diary I kept in India. I have been there for one month with the purpose of serving at the Baha`i House of Worship in New Delhi. I am sorry if it is a little chaotic.

Flight bad. Russian airport never again. The plane was delayed 6 hours. They didn`t give us any food and in the shops they only accept russian money.

Arrival. First impression - indians sitting all over the floor, no organization, no queues, everyone shouting. Unforgettable moment was stepping out of a/c hall. Hot, wet. The humidity is so high that i feel like in a jungle. And it is not even raining that much. We couldn`t find the person who was supposed to be waiting here but fortunately in the end we found him.

Arrival to the temple area - Mrs JB showed us around, we went to pray in the temple. It`s beautiful. Birds are flying inside, they have long legs and can jump pretty well, they sing like parrots but softer. The air is flowing nicely and if there is a lot of people than you can hear the women`s jewelery ringing as they walk. if there is any sound ofrom outside it transforms. it feels like it is a hall in a different world -like a vacuum. i love praying there, every day.

Saturday - the first day of service. In the morning we are just waiting and reading instructions, they show us around. We meet Ms. Nanda. She gives us roster. Every hour the post changes. So far we only have entrance and inside, easy posts. Easy to learn, I mean. We have lunch and in the afternoon we serve until the evening 7pm.
The second night is not better than the first, I can`t sleep, the fan is so loud and all the air is going at me, I feel like sneezing all the time, I`m trying to find how to cover myself, waiting for the sleep whole 3 hours.

animals- gigantic ants, lizards all over the place, frogs in the evening, they say there are snakes, i haven`t seen any, we are well protected against the mosquitos but still sometimes they come. something bit me, its all big and swollen, i don`t know what it was.

traffic- no lanes, the cars just go wherever they find space, and even if there are lanes, everyone ignores them. instead of three, there is four or five, all the time going and stopping. the people just have to find their way somehow between the cars. maybe that`s why there is so many handicapped people here. we went with rikshaw at night and we saw people sleeping between the noisy roads one beside each other. there are a lot of construction places and even if they are not constructing anything it looks like that. we also had the opportunity to use rikshaw while it was raining very heavily. and we were five inside (maximum is three) so we were all wet. but still it didnt matter cause even before we got in we were completely soaked.

weather- very hot, the sun is very strong during the lunch time but otherwise its ok, most of the time is cloudy and it rains in the evenings, sometimes less, sometimes more. today for example its raining almost all day, all evening. but im glad because its colder.

sunday- the first whole day of service, my feet hurt a lot, but everyone has the same problem. all day we are walking bear foot on the marble or bricks, bricks are better, softer. its beautiful to watch the life of the temple. it opens in the morning, the flowers are being watered, chairs and floor is cleaned, they put carpets, there is plenty of gardeners who are doing some things all the time, bringing some stuff, all day i can see someone bringing water for the flowers, visitors are coming, every hour about 1000, we put them in one line, say the briefing - not to take pictures, to be quiet, they come in, pray or walk, they leave, if they have questions they ask at the exit or they go to the information centre. many dont even know that its a bahai temple even though we tell them in the briefing, and there are quotations of bahaullah all over, they just come in and are looking for the statues. inside the temple there is nothing but plenty of benches, some flowers and a microphone. some people maybe feel disappointed, but the atmosphere that is there and the silence. so different silence. odd. i think the structure of the temple makes it that way.

monday - we are off. we take rest in the morning and in the afternoon we are going shopping to the market, it starts raining so the market is deserted, only the real shops are open. we are trying to bargain but its not easy in the shops.

other volunteers - boys are ok, i don`t really meat them that often, only while serving and eating. we spend more time with the girls, because the dorms are separate for girls and boys. at first i thought that some of them are bad and canting and both me and mum had some problems with them but then i realized that i dont need to worry about that. because we are all serving bahaullah and He will take care of the unity between us. And exactly that happened. It was complete coincidence that on the first monday we went shopping with those girls whom we had problems with and we found out that they are very very nice people and everything that happened was just a misunderstanding.

Tuesday - awesome day, the beginning of a new working week, we got a new schedule and today i even did the entrance speech, which means i learnt the words that people should hear before entering the prayer hall. i wasnt nervous at all, but when i started speaking my voice broke and i was talking very quietly. then i was afraid that it will happen again but it didnt. besides the first time i never had any problems again. and i have this post in my schedule three times, which means 3 hours a day. two of which are during lunchtime when there is the most people, 1000 an hour. i have a strong voice so i am doing well. All the time I feel like Bahaullah is helping me, all the tasks that seem hard, are always solved and i have no problems.

I always pray in the morning and thats the thing I like the most about the service - that I have so much time for everything. At home I also have time but am too lazy to start doing anything, I am surrounded by so many material things and all the activites seem much more attractive and interesting. But here I have nothing but self discipline. I love this simple life. Although the work is hard at times I still feel like I am not working at all, I dont consider it demanding. Because the attitude of service makes all the difference, makes it simpler. I would like to attain this attitude even in my work, no matter what im doing. I just want to find that reason and purpose of the job, how i am serving the humanity and Bahaullah and then all the time i will keep reminding myself that Im serving. I want to live my life in the spirit of service, because nothing is more beautiful. And simpler. If a person lives for different motives and is doing things for other reasons than to serve God, than everything seems hard, maybe because no other motivation is strong enough.

It is impossible to describe the atmosphere outside the temple. its chaos, there is a lot of sick and handicapped people, people that dont have houses, sleeping on the street. one day we went through a side road and we saw the way people live. even though its a city the houses dont resemble houses, it just looks like a child built something from paper. everything is dirty and old, untidy, they put clothes outside everywhere to dry, i would love to record it all but im not gonna do that, cause even that wouldnt catch the atmosphere. in a certain way it even resembles london but in a certain way it is impossible to even compare them. now dont get me wrong, i am not criticising, only describing. And moreover describing from my point of view. Someone else might see it different. And I am not saying that this style of life is wrong, on the contrary I love it. I love India, I love the people and the way they live.

monday - day off, in the morning we went online to new friends colony, then back for lunch, in the afternoon i went with tojo an mum to kalkaji road, to buy food and other things but there was nothing altogether. only very hot. from there central market which was closing, so i just bought another punjabi, but it is very short so i can only wear once in a while.

tuesday - finally something started happening, we played voleyball in the evening. first four of us and then after dinner only me and yashpal. i had so much energy afterwards that i couldnt fall asleep. we exchanged beds with mum because the a/c was blowing right at her and she even fell sick for that. i dont mind the wind but i noticed that the two nights since we exchanged beds i had headaches in the morning and then all day i was sneezing. im gonna get used to it.
on tuesdays and wednesdays we have a study group of anna`s presentation, im happy for that. we are learning the quotations, i can even use it in slovakia when teaching the faith. the only problem is that here most of the time we just answer visitor`s question, very seldom we get the chance to talk about the faith the way we want.
on the other hand when a person really wants he will find the opportunity. for example reem. she doesnt have problem.

thursday - all day i feel tired, and slow. the last two days its raining, information centre where i serve now is closed very often, its so boring. all the time there are some misunderstandings and weird things happening in the ic. in the temple i felt so good and in the ic i feel bored or there are some problems. for example i feel that there is not unity between us, the relationships are somehow competitive. its hard to describe. today we said something together with mum about such things and others also added some words. i guess its gonna get better. everyone is preparing for tomorrow - its the independence day and we are expecting huge crowds. well, we`ll see. im a little scared. because they made me one of the key volunteers, i am not the only one, but i have to be an example for others and always pay attention and know everything. i`m tired. i don`t feel like preparing spiritually neither intelectually for such a task, i want to be a normal volunteer who can look miserable when he`s tired. but maybe i will learn something from it.

ok. - so the day of independence there was actually less people than on a normal sunday, but we prepared very well and then of course we used all the special trics for managing the crowd, which wasnt even there. From my point of you it created chaos at times, on the other hand it was very relaxing cause there was a lot of volunteers.

we are playing volleyball with yashpal once in a while. some movement. im happy for that. on friday night i played with tojo. we talk a lot with tojo, we understand each other because we went through similar things in life.

on saturday morning i woke up at night because i felt like something is in my eye, and the pain was irresistible. after the remaining 2 hours of horrible sleep i went to see sally, a doctor volunteer and she said its eye infection. so for three days my eye was all red and swollen and from the unceasing sharp pain i had headaches and was really exhausted. and also thirsty. on saturday i drank at least 5 litres of water but i was thirsty all day. so strange. in the afternoon i slept 4 hours and then the remaining three i was bored, because i couldnt open my eyes for the light, not even the healthy one. the eyes are connected, if one is not good then the other one also doesnt work properly. so no games on the mobile or pc, no reading. the only thing i could do is lie with closed eyes and listen to music. and somehow the time went by.

on sunday it was better, i am wearing the sunglasses all the time even inside.

monday - in the morning we went with mummy to qutobminar, then back for lunch, in the afternoon with reem and nidhi to palika bazaar. it is underground, air conditioned big big market, quite tidy and clean. so we didnt buy anything although they had a lot of different things there, then reem had to go back to the temple for some meeting and the rest of us continued on foot to the bahai house, where i bought plenty of books and dvds and then to india gate. about half an hour walk altogether. all the time rikshaws were stopping, i noticed people dont really walk around here. poor nidhi was so tired, i could see. we bought a lot of small things, like indian elephants and compasses and some bowls, stuff like that. from india gate we went to central market where we were last week but they were closing again and there was nothing altogether, i just bought one more punjabi top so i can change it a little. i think i will wear it as a pyjamas in slovakia. we wanted to buy a saree but it was too late.

after dinner i sat on the stairs for a while, thats where all the volunteers are meeting, than i went for a walk with tojo. we went to kalkaji to hindu temple. the temple was very small, one round room, everywhere som shiny objects and in the middle one high desk all silver, something smelling was coming out of a machine on the ceiling, people were singing and clapping, talking, they were putting red marks on their heads and red strings on their hands and they were touching that silver desk with their hands and heads, i think all this means that they are blessed.outside were some bells and as people were passing by they ring a bell or two. then some statues that people bend before and also touched them. all of them bear foot. it was very dirty there. we also dont wear shoes in the bahai temple but my feet is never this dirty. they were completely black. i really love wakling bear foot. i really feel like there is a feeling of respect for the place in this simple act and i also feel like im connected to the world more. its weird. it would be very nice if it was a custom to take off shoes in some places in europe as well.

then when we came back i suggested that we sit on the grass and talk. and then yashpal and chirin came and we started throwing grass on each other.

today, the third monday since i am here was so far the best day. all my desires were fulfilled today, i am talking about desire to 1. good long talk, 2. fun, 3. visit to the hindu temple, 4. go out after dinner, 5. talk to tojo, 6. buy bahai books, 7. desire to act crazy. thank you.


oooh, i didnt write for more than one week. can you believe that?

so last week i dont remember anymore :) i started going out in the evening regularly. i went to the iscon temples once, i was supposed to go with tojo but somehow more people came and from all these people i went in front with yashpal and mummy, we talked and then somehow we got separated from others. we went to the pharmacy and then i couldnt find them anymore. i think this was my first longer talk with yashpal.

sometime this week i think it was, our mosquito protector finished and we couldnt sleep. i was clever - i covered myself from neck to foot, i left the face open to breath. after a while i woke up scratching in my sleep. oooh, my face was covered in mosquito bites. i was lucky and by the morning it all disappeared but you can imagine how scared i was when i saw my face like that.

on sunday there was another holiday. krishna`s birthday. so many people came, and so less volunteers, it was very exhausting day. in the evening i went out with the boys. shankar, chirhin, ranjan and mahesh to the iscon temples but we never reached the place. no time left.

on saturday i was supposed to go with yashpal for a morning walk but i overslept and in the morning he didnt believe me that i really overslept, and he thought it was on purpose, i felt so bad. but then i explained and we decided to go the next day. and on sunday luckily i woke up on time. so we went to the park, the morning walk is the best thing, the air is so good, everything peaceful and warm and mist, i love it.

on monday we went to tuglakabad with mummy, those are ruins of some palace and a city from 14th century in the south of delhi. a little to the outside, there was a lot of cows and chickens and they were selling completely different things in the shops. not like in the central where they only have food and clothes. here there were baskets, ladders, washing machines, just all the things that people normally use :) tuglakabad was beautiful, we even got a tour guide for our security cause there are people living inside. we also went to an underground tunnel which used to be a market, it really stank there, and there were bats. then we went to the back behind the bushes and there was a huge water reservoir.

in the afternoon we first walked to nehru place with yashpal to exchange money and buy the tickets for the cinema and from there we took a rikshaw to palika bazaar where i finally bought all the things that i wanted to. yashpal just took a rikshaw with us, he was going to pick up a motorbike from his brother. he kept all the tickets. from palika bazaar we didnt have time to go anywhere so just went back, me to nehru place an mummy to the temple. i waited a little bit cause i was the first and then all the girls came at one time. seven girls. and we waited for yashpal with the tickets. the movie was starting 6.10 and he was nowhere. he came at around 6.25, i was all stressed by that time, because i knew hes driving the motorbike, i thought he had an accident. everything was fine in the end, we got to the movie on time. the cinema looks the same as in europe, america, popcorn, coke, all the comfort. but they make a pause in the middle of the movie. singh is king by the way. yashpal was translating once in a while. but because it was a comedy mainly i understood whats going on. cause the movie was in hindi, no subtitles. very interesting experience. in front of the cinema we were trying to find out who is going where and how.a lot of girls went to nfc for internet and dinner but i felt like walking. but everyone wanted to take rikshaw and yashpal said he will give me a ride. on the motorbike. so we went.

tuesday - so this was yesterday. i couldnt fall asleep. i think i fell asleep at one. in the morning i woke up at six, no problem. all night i was waking up looking at the time. finding its too early i slept again. i didnt want to oversleep because again we were going for a walk.
today i was wearing saree, the new one. its more comfortable and nicer than the punjabi. everyone keep saying i look good in it. and the visitors kept disturbing me even more.the guys were watching me and the women, especially old kept pointing at me and smiling like small children. i was quite nervous from all this. especially because i didnt sleep so well that night. so in the end i somehow got irritated that everyone is annoying me and that im tired and left for my room 1 and half hour early. i hope its ok. im so tired. and i even had coffee after lunch.

wednesday - all day so long, i was so so tired, i slept whole 9 hours but still it wasnt enough. i couldnt stand, everywhere i could i would just sit down. in the end i just went to the ic for coffee during my tea break, drank some coffee, which didnt help, so i just told myself that its better if i dont show myself sitting and sleeping in front of visitors and other volunteers, so i just hid in library. after 2 hours of reading i finally felt like i can go back and stand for the remaining hour. we were talking a lot with awil, the librarian and he agreed to stay in contact. in the evening we had anna`s presentation meeting, then i went to bed, i couldnt fall asleep, i felt like throwin up, so i went for a little walk, took another shower, and then fell asleep.

thursday - morning we went with mummy to the red fort. we got half a day off. it was so boring. the other places are much nicer than this. there is basically nothing inside red fort.
in the evening i somehow started feeling depressed, i wont even say the reason, so stupid it is. i just had to get all the energy out so i started playing volleyball and football and whatever else with tojo. i would like to go jogging tomorrow morning. hopefully i will wake up.

friday - in the morning i went for a walk myself just inside the temple area but its so small. nothing much happened today. in the evening they told us to go for a meeting to the ic and there was no one there. and some people were waiting. i still dont know what it was about. then we had a meeting with mrs. jb, fortunately it was short. we said bye to kabula who was leaving that evening.

saturday - in the morning i went for a walk again. yashpal overslept but somehow i managed to wake him up. i am reading all flags flying whenever i can, even during the lunch break. im almost finished, but only one day left. i needed to exchange money and i could only join the girls but i didnt want to cause they always take so long, and they also go for dinner and internet and so many things. so in the end when we were standing in front of the gate waiting for rikshaw i decided to ask reem to exchange the money for me and buy the notebook i wanted and i went back. again i felt so sad somehow. when i saw some guys going for a walk i joined them. just for half an hour. i like walking. it was tojo, kirthi and chirin. i also had to buy cigarettes for mummy and i forgot to tell reem. anyway, its better to buy such things alone.

sunday
the last day of service, i got the best out of it. it is a custom here to write a diary, which means to ask other volunteers to write a page, contact details and whatever they feel like they want to share with that person. so i was collecting this all day. i had only one hour for all flags flying i still have 30 pages left. well, some other time. i decided to really enjoy every moment. i prayed a lot. in the evening we had a meeting in mr. kumar`s house. all the volunteers came. mr. kumar is the head of security and he was celebrating serving at the temple for 21 years. we had dinner and we danced a little. the only person that went by foot was chirin so we asked him if we can go together.

monday
in the morning i wanted to wake up early and go for a walk with mummy but somehow we were too tired. i woke up later but still one hour to breakfast so i went to the temple for prayers and this was the first time that i could be there all alone. so i could pray aloud. than i went for a walk but it was too hot. we decided not to go anywhere in the morning cause we had to pack and clean the room. after we finished with this i went out and lied down to the grass enjoying the sun. maybe after 2 minutes only ranjan and shankar were passing, they called me to go with them to kalkaji. they went to buy some things. after lunch we went to humayun`s tomb. beautiful. the best in delhi. lodhi garden also very beautiful. after dinner there wasnt much time, the taxi came so fast and someone slammed the door and it drove away.

tuesday on the way from the airport.
I feel like the last night was just a dream. I feel like it was really really long time ago, as though it never even happened. I am not sad, but i am not happy. i am quiet. i think a lot. trying to sort out my thoughts. The only thing that is keeping me ok is that i got the most out of every day. Nothing to regret. And I am sure that one day I will get the chance to go to India again and this time it will be longer and even better experience. I am afraid. Afraid of myself, of the society to which I am returning and which I cant yet fully resist. But I believe that I can be strong enough, as strong as in India. It helped me a lot to see how people behave, live in the east and I will never forget. Every day I appreciate God`s creation more and more and it gives me joy and strength. Strength to serve.